Dreams of Being a Shitty Waitress…

Well I need to start by saying that I haven’t had the privilege of waiting tables in almost 3 years. I truly miss it. I waited tables for 5 years.

Serving wasn’t a job that I took out of necessity. I worked as a waitress because I enjoyed it! There are a number of things about being a restaurant worker that I think are really cool.

I love the fast paced environment.

I love the chaos and the changing atmospheres.

I love interacting with the public and analyzing people from all walks of life.

I love the quick thinking, creative problem solving and at times, I find twisted humor in the ass-kissing.

You can’t forget all the food either. Damn I was a fatty mcfattypants some days.

It’s a chaotic adventure. Totally my style.

One of my favorite things as a waitress was studying relationships. Believe it or not, waitresses hold all the knowledge as to whether or not a relationship will last. They have seen two people come together over a meal thousands of times and your waitress will always be able to sense how crappy or valued your partnership is within the first 5 minutes.. it’s a psychological thing. You’ve seen something so many times that you just KNOW. It’s like a 6th sense. “I can smell that relationship ending from here.” Waitresses have that in their skill set.

Servers are around for your celebrations, they see you at your rudest and most ruthless self when you’re hangry, they see the women happy dance after that first bite of food. They see husbands cheat, wives have one too many cocktails and shitty parents neglecting to teach their kids common decency.

Waitresses see it all. I really love that.

Still to this day, I can walk into a poppin’ restaurant on a busy Friday night and critique everything that’s going wrong in the hustle and bustle down to a science. I can feel the vibe and just know if I’m going to get good service or not.

Waitressing taught me a lot about myself and even more about those around me. I have learned so much and for that I am forever grateful.

To stay on topic, I was a fun waitress. I really believe that. I was all smiles, I was thriving, having a grand ol time. Now to say I was the best waitress in the world would be a flat out lie. Some nights I stunk up the entire restaurant with my bullshit. I would come in stoned and just mess shit up, honestly. I’m forgetful. I’ve lost orders, rang in the wrong things and totally forgot people were even in my section BUT I had a great time. Lmao

People at my old job still tell me they call it “Pulling a Payt” when someone forgets to ring in an order or when someone rings something up wrong. How flattering.

Needless to say, I kept it interesting and my bosses always loved me regardless.

So here’s where my point begins. (Finally right?)

What I fail to understand is why I’m 3 years postpartum from serving and I still have nightmares about getting cussed out by my tables and pissing off my old bosses?!?!?!!

I swear, once a week I’ll wake up from a dream where I’m forgetting people in my section, getting dirty looks from customers, having my butt crack show when I bend down, doing everything wrong or never being able to go fast enough and the worst one of all.. disappointing my old managers and having them tell me that I suck. Straight up. In my dreams old managers will look me dead in my face and say to me: WHY ARE YOU HERE? GO HOME. YOU’RE A SHITTY WAITRESS.

WHY AM I HERE?!?!? Idk man, I’m just trying to sleep over here. Why do you have me on the schedule when I’m trying to rest??? Wtf is going on??

It’s dramatic af.

There are days where I’ll look in the mirror after a ratchet restaurant dream and all I can see is the .18 cent tip on that 68.00 bill and think to myself “this is who I am now.”

Maybe my dreams are keeping me on my toes. Maybe it’s my anxiety trying to rule me even when I’m unconscious by remaking and replaying every sick and twisted way I have ever messed up at my job.

Is this what PTSD feels like? Please don’t be offended at that. I am painstakingly aware that PTSD is very real and extremely serious for many people but something about my night terrors reminds me that this could very well be a mild form.

Waitressing was traumatic af for me at times. I would cry. I would get donkey kong PISSED (and I don’t even know what that means) I would be so hard on myself.

I’d forget the damn ranch for crying out loud.

It was tough.

I really went through it. Some days I would work a double 12 hours straight and make $60 all day and others I would make that in the first 30min. Talk about an emotional rollercoaster.

You get a shitty tip and wonder if your perfect service wasn’t good enough or if they thought you were ugly and talked shit about you behind your back.

Ah, the many things I would lay in bed and wonder after a long day of interacting with random strangers….

and so now look at me….


3 years later. I repeat. 3 years later. I am still experiencing traumatic waitressing scenarios while I’m knocked out!!!

In conclusion:

Tip your damn waitresses people!!! You never know what others are going through or how long your behaviors can haunt them. Always be kind and generous.

And servers, don’t be a shitty waitress like me or you’ll have nightmares for 3 years.

Thanks for turning in!

I’ll be back on my BS at a later date.